What's good?

Hello, everybody!! I wish all of you are having a great life since Ramadhan is coming and of course, you need to be in a good state, though! But first and foremost I'd like to apologize for not updating my blog since forever and that's because I'm having a busy life after enrolling in university (the classes haven't even started yet but I can feel the pressure on my shoulders criesssssssss.Am I too exaggerating?lol)

I'm actually on a week holiday after the orientation which they called it as Minggu destini siswa (I'm not sure about this) but the acronym is mds so yea let's move on. It was tiring and I was having a sleep deprived so badly until I started to become moody and stuff but despite all those things, I was still having fun, though.That was the only thing that matters the most so, I was cool with it I guess.

So, guess where am I enrolling to?? Well, it's actually in Pusat Asasi Dengkil and that's only 45 minutes from home. gosh, But that's okay. At least my parents can visit me every week, though since well, all of you can guess that I'm actually 'anak emak' or whatever you guys usually call it and it might be because I'm the only child in my family.Damn,I still remember I was tearing up on the first day but the feeling that I had at that time was more to mom-I'm-not-ready-for-this-at-all feeling since that was when I realized that I have to be more matured since my parents were going to leave me there(okay not literally but I love to exaggerate so let's ignore that).

The course that I'm taking right now is actually foundation in tesl. Yes, it's tesl. This is the course that I've told all of you about how much I really want it (I'm not sure whether I've told you guys but yada yada). The reason why I'm taking this course because my result doesn't let me to get in ipg //cries in the corner of the room// since it has been my dream to be a teacher/lecturer but I couldn't apply for it.Thank god, God has given me another chance to let me live my dream since the interview for tesl went well for me. Alhamdulillah.Let's pray that I can survive this year, though since I'm sure it'd be hella hectic for me.

So, I think that's all going on in my life right now. I really wish 98-liner or everyone who has read my post above can live your life to the fullest and do what you'd love to do for your own future. I wish I could write a good post but this was all I could think of at 1am since I kept procrastinating to write lol.Sorry for that. Btw, goodbye for now I guess since I believe I'll sleep in front of laptop any minute,now..so, as usual.. see ya!!!!

P/s : I'm currently listening to Ruth B's songs while typing this post because her album is hella awesome!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I found this song when I was listening to lite fm(Real talk! this is my favourite radio's station all the freaking time. Do leave a comment if you guys have the same interest as well). Okay, and my most favourite song in this album would be lost boy /inserts crying emoji// since the lyrics are so beautiful and her voice is so soothing until I believe I've listened to it for the whole day!! I'm not even kidding!!! Go check it out and tell me your thoughts!!

Basically, lifeless

The title speaks the truth //Long sighs//. First of all, I'm trying to say that I'm not neglecting my blog but I just simply have nothing to update about because the things I do after our national exam are basically watching movies/animes, reading Nicholas Sparks' novels,going to English class and YouTubing. Those activities define how my life is boring as hell (but it's okay as long as I'm enjoying myself since I'm sure lazy-ing around is not going to be in the dictionary after getting into university or matriculation) lol and for the side note: I've got matriculation in Penang and it's too far for me but I will choose it if I don't get any universities, though.

Since I'm sure that I will continue my study in the future because I've got matriculation, the operation to buy everything needed to matriculation/university has officially started!!!!! So, by the way, I've bought sports shoes, luggage, bed sheets, hangers and stuff like that so it won't be last minute to prepare everything.I feel like I'm going to move away permanently after looking at how much we need to buy and how much money that we've spent, though. Thank you, mom and dad, for everything, I love both of you so much and I appreciate how much you've done for me.

Okay, I know this is a very short entry and I really wish that I can write more but sadly, I've nothing to share about since I don't have a lot going on in my life, though /sighs/ . Maybe I will update again if something better happens in my life lol see ya!

P/s : I hope you guys can leave a comment since I'd like to know a lot of people in this blogger community, though and for the side note again I actually have a shoutbox on the right side of my blog since my friends keep asking about it haha

Nervous

Damnnnnnnnnn Arraaaaa She's back again with the white vans---  STOP. I'm getting tired of the trademarks, remix songs and stuff related to "damn daniel" 's viral videos. I'm literally tired of American's way to make things viral on the internet until we,Malaysians followed the culture nowadays. But anyway, let's go to the main point here. As you can see from my title , I'm currently feeling really nervous about a lot of things that will happen next week.

1. QTI driving test

Even though how much I love driving and I like playing toy cars with all my heart since cars have always been my interest since I was a kid but my fear of being panic takes over my interest. Well, I just made that up but it actually happened to me. I can be easily panic with only stupid stuff like going to a place I've never been in my life. So, I'm getting really scared when the day is getting near. Even when I'm writing this , I can feel my heart beats so fast just because of the fear of being panic on that day. My main problem for driving would be the hill part. I'm low-key feeling terrified that the car will slide down or the car's handbrake can't be pushed down----- okay that's a nightmare.Please pray for my luck orz

p/s : I've to add some money for some extra classes.Therefore, I'm low-key feeling depressed about it because I've never thought it would be that expensive after calculating all the money that I've spent to get a driving license

2. UPU Interview?

Because the result if I will get the interview or not will be next week so yeah I'm really hoping I will get the course that I want the most huhu.

3. Matriculation result 

So, for the ones who don't know, the result will be out on the fourteenth of April so I'm pretty nervous about it.

4. UniKL Interview

So, this is basically the main thing that makes me nervous besides QTI driving test. I will be attending an interview for the quality of engineering on 15th or 16th so it makes me feel that I've too much burden on my shoulders since I've forgotten where did I put my certificates and stuff lol that pretty much shows that I'm not an organized person at all.I also haven't finished my resume to bring along there orz which makes me feel extra nervous as well


So basically, I have a lot of things going on that I need to focus on but eventually, I will end up youtube-ing, reading English novels or watching stupid things on the internet the whole freakin' day and that's not even surprising, considering how lazy am I after the national examination but I really hope everything will turn up smooth and fantastic. at least, I hope so. Okay btw, See ya in the next post. bye!

Epic failed

Okay, today I'm back with a new entry after the emotional post before lol.So today has been an emotional day for me as well. Remember the thing I've said in my last entry about people were "joking" and stuff about my appearances? Usually, when people said something I would smile and just moved on since I didn't want to cause any problems. So today what happened was I actually replied with sarcastic remarks and right now I felt so bad with my actions. That's one thing about me. Whenever I had this one particular emotional day, I would just say what I wanted to at that moment and ended up feeling so guilty afterwards.The thing about being sarcastic was you would make people around you who didn't involve in the conversation felt uncomfortable too.

So, one of the conversations that I remembered was kinda like this:

"can you easily find shoes"
"oh yes ofc"
"oh so there's a shop for a monster like you"/laughs/
"oh FYI, I'm a human being" /laughs/

Even though, the only sarcastic remark I said in the conversation above was only "I'm a human being" but I actually I said it with the "kerek" tone like what people usually said nowadays and I felt so bad until I can't sleep now.Seriously, I shouldn't have said if I knew beforehand that I couldn't handle the consequences of feeling bad like this.There was a lot of other conversations but I only can remember one.

So, see you in the next post. Goodbye for now. I will try to get some sleep without feeling guilty.

P/s: Can someone suggest me how to be mean when you want to defend yourself but at the same thing not feeling bad about what you just did or, at least, some tips /sobs/

Jokes or Insults

Suddenly, I feel like pouring everything that I felt since the beginning. First of all, I must say that most of the people I knew think it's easy to talk me because they think I've never really cared whenever people said something that hurts my pride and dignity but I'm wondering did they ever think that every word they said is all seems like a knife that stabs my heart every single freaking time. Initially, I didn't feel like this but after the jokes are getting out of hand, it has become irritating and I started to have a lot of negative thinkings on people around me. Yes, I'm an average looking girl with an overweight body. But it doesn't mean people have the tickets to say harsh things about how big my body is and how my face is not up to your "beauty standard".Do they think it's okay to compare me with someone or something because from the beginning their intentions are just for cracking jokes to people but have you ever known how harsh are you sounded from my ears?? So now I understood very well this is the main reason why people have anxiety and insecurities. This is the real reason why people actually do have suicide thoughts. It's all started from the mean comments then they changed into a huge burden to satisfy people.People who have suicide thoughts usually the ones who couldn't cope with the huge burden to meet with people's expectations.

It's true that I've done a lot of things that destroyed myself. There was the time when I felt like it's okay not to eat at all since that was the only way for me to lose weight quickly. There was also the time I felt like it's okay to throw up everything that I've eaten because I feel regretted after eating. All of these things happened because of the huge burden that people put on my shoulders just for the sake of proving to them that after this, they can't joke about me anymore or one day they will think I'm actually better than that.

Anyway, I don't think I've overcome the feeling of insecurity but I've stopped doing all the things that I said before and I'm actually going on a healthy diet even though the jokes aka insults are still happening in my life so I hope one day people like this will know that what they do is some sort of mental abused to people like me even though they were just for a joke.

Hoping for better days ahead of me! See you in the next post!

Berlangkah-langkah ke UiTM

At first, I had no idea or any clues about this event at all until I saw a picture of my friends so I decided to search a little bit more information about it and I found an online brochure. I was super excited when I told my mom about this event since I still had some doubts about my career paths.But I know I wasn't the only one who felt that way since these people including me went to the event for the same reasons. So, anyway, we decided to go on the next day which was yesterday.Well, side note: My mom was kinda furious that I knew about it late since they had a talk about engineering a day before that lol but it's okay maybe it was just not my luck.

So, back to the main point..we hit the road about a quarter to eleven so we arrived there a little bit early since UiTM Shah Alam isn't that far from my house. The event was called 'selangkah ke UiTM' but as you can see from my title, I wrote it as 'berlangkah-langkah' since we had to walk quite a distance from the carpark to the main event and IT WAS INSANE. The funny part was we had no idea that we were going to walk that far and climbed the stairs all the way up there.So, our bodies weren't that prepared to have a morning exercise which was why we kept complaining until we reached there but it was all worth it since the moment when I stepped in we were so surprised that it was really packed with people and booths since we didn't expect it would be that many. So me and my mom started going to a booth by a booth and besides the information about the courses that we got, we kinda observed the ones who introduced us the courses just for fun lol. It was funny in a good way since you could see how good the masscom's faculty and the arts' faculty were at talking ( just for examples though since there were lots of good explainers in the other courses too) since their courses need them to be talkative while the engineering parts, in general, were a little bit more lacking when it comes to giving explanations but they were still understandable. But it's okay the students have given a great explanation the best they could to all of us and that was enough.Well so, After an hour, we started to feel tired so I immediately checked the brochure because we've visited all the booths and realized that there would be a talk about one of the courses that I've chosen.So we decided to go to the first floor for a first talk and we continued sitting there until the final talk which was about the foundation in Dengkil.

Andddddd that was it!!!! I think I've made up my mind about the courses I want to take and I'll just need to hope and pray that I will get the course that I want to the most.So, thumbs up for this event since it was really helpful to spm candidates who had never set a decent goal in life before lol.Soooo, Hasta la Vista for now!! See ya in the next post.

P/s: I was kinda being a little too talkative than usual today so guess what I got myself a lecturer's card and he's willing to help me with the course I really want so much.Alhamdulillah