Jokes or Insults

Suddenly, I feel like pouring everything that I felt since the beginning. First of all, I must say that most of the people I knew think it's easy to talk me because they think I've never really cared whenever people said something that hurts my pride and dignity but I'm wondering did they ever think that every word they said is all seems like a knife that stabs my heart every single freaking time. Initially, I didn't feel like this but after the jokes are getting out of hand, it has become irritating and I started to have a lot of negative thinkings on people around me. Yes, I'm an average looking girl with an overweight body. But it doesn't mean people have the tickets to say harsh things about how big my body is and how my face is not up to your "beauty standard".Do they think it's okay to compare me with someone or something because from the beginning their intentions are just for cracking jokes to people but have you ever known how harsh are you sounded from my ears?? So now I understood very well this is the main reason why people have anxiety and insecurities. This is the real reason why people actually do have suicide thoughts. It's all started from the mean comments then they changed into a huge burden to satisfy people.People who have suicide thoughts usually the ones who couldn't cope with the huge burden to meet with people's expectations.

It's true that I've done a lot of things that destroyed myself. There was the time when I felt like it's okay not to eat at all since that was the only way for me to lose weight quickly. There was also the time I felt like it's okay to throw up everything that I've eaten because I feel regretted after eating. All of these things happened because of the huge burden that people put on my shoulders just for the sake of proving to them that after this, they can't joke about me anymore or one day they will think I'm actually better than that.

Anyway, I don't think I've overcome the feeling of insecurity but I've stopped doing all the things that I said before and I'm actually going on a healthy diet even though the jokes aka insults are still happening in my life so I hope one day people like this will know that what they do is some sort of mental abused to people like me even though they were just for a joke.

Hoping for better days ahead of me! See you in the next post!

Berlangkah-langkah ke UiTM

At first, I had no idea or any clues about this event at all until I saw a picture of my friends so I decided to search a little bit more information about it and I found an online brochure. I was super excited when I told my mom about this event since I still had some doubts about my career paths.But I know I wasn't the only one who felt that way since these people including me went to the event for the same reasons. So, anyway, we decided to go on the next day which was yesterday.Well, side note: My mom was kinda furious that I knew about it late since they had a talk about engineering a day before that lol but it's okay maybe it was just not my luck.

So, back to the main point..we hit the road about a quarter to eleven so we arrived there a little bit early since UiTM Shah Alam isn't that far from my house. The event was called 'selangkah ke UiTM' but as you can see from my title, I wrote it as 'berlangkah-langkah' since we had to walk quite a distance from the carpark to the main event and IT WAS INSANE. The funny part was we had no idea that we were going to walk that far and climbed the stairs all the way up there.So, our bodies weren't that prepared to have a morning exercise which was why we kept complaining until we reached there but it was all worth it since the moment when I stepped in we were so surprised that it was really packed with people and booths since we didn't expect it would be that many. So me and my mom started going to a booth by a booth and besides the information about the courses that we got, we kinda observed the ones who introduced us the courses just for fun lol. It was funny in a good way since you could see how good the masscom's faculty and the arts' faculty were at talking ( just for examples though since there were lots of good explainers in the other courses too) since their courses need them to be talkative while the engineering parts, in general, were a little bit more lacking when it comes to giving explanations but they were still understandable. But it's okay the students have given a great explanation the best they could to all of us and that was enough.Well so, After an hour, we started to feel tired so I immediately checked the brochure because we've visited all the booths and realized that there would be a talk about one of the courses that I've chosen.So we decided to go to the first floor for a first talk and we continued sitting there until the final talk which was about the foundation in Dengkil.

Andddddd that was it!!!! I think I've made up my mind about the courses I want to take and I'll just need to hope and pray that I will get the course that I want to the most.So, thumbs up for this event since it was really helpful to spm candidates who had never set a decent goal in life before lol.Soooo, Hasta la Vista for now!! See ya in the next post.

P/s: I was kinda being a little too talkative than usual today so guess what I got myself a lecturer's card and he's willing to help me with the course I really want so much.Alhamdulillah